May 30, 2010

The Dudes

With the big race only six days away, I have decided to get back to some good old fashioned journalism. To those ends, I hit the backstretch early to obtain inside information from some of the major players in the Test of Champions. Mission accomplished. What follows are two highly informative interviews as a direct result of all my effort. After all nothing is too good for my readers.

Part 1 (First Dude)

ZAAT: Mr. Dude, thanks so much for…

First Dude: “Look, let me explain something. I'm not Mr. Dude. I'm the Dude. So that's what you call me. That, or Duder. His Dudeness. Or El Duderino, if, you know, you're not into the whole brevity thing.”

ZAAT: Sorry Dude.

First Dude: “That’s OK ZATT. By the way that’s an interesting name…ZATT, what is that Dutch-Hungarian?”

ZATT:  Uh…no. Actually it is an acronym for Zipse at…

First Dude: “Come on, man, it was just a little joke. Besides, I don’t think my fans care what ZATT stands for.”

ZATT: Probably so Dudeness. Anyway…I wanted to ask you about your performance in the Preakness.

First Dude: “No big thing man. I just ran.”

ZATT:  That is awfully humble of you considering what a great race you ran. I figured that you were trying to pound your competition into dust that day.

First Dude:  “ZATT, you can't talk like that, man. These guys are like me, they're pacificists. Smokey was a conscientious objector.”

ZATT:  Uh...I see, and…Smokey???

First Dude:  “Smokey. You know…Jackson Bend. He likes to be called Smokey. So that‘s we call him.”

ZATT:  Interesting. But back to you; you showed great talent and heart with your close 2nd place finish in the Preakness. Is it that talent and heart that makes you the kind of horse that you are?

First Dude: “Sure. That and a pair of testicles.”

ZATT:  Wow, that is more information than I was expecting, but thank you for your candor. One more quick question…

First Dude:  “Good, starting to get a little hungry here.”

ZATT:  What is your prediction for the Belmont?

First Dude:  “My prediction? Well like Woody said, look for the horse who will benefit. And you will, uh, you know, you'll, uh, you know what I'm trying to say…”


Part 2 (Game On Dude) will be published on Tuesday.


Special thanks to Joel and Ethan Coen, whose film The Big Lebowski, was a not so subtle influence on this piece, and were responsible for some of the quotes of both First Dude and Game on Dude.

13 comments:

CiarĂ¡n said...

you loved writing this didnt u!!

Brian Zipse said...

Not the easiest interviews ever, but I think the horses are the star of this one, I only took down what they told me.

LDP said...

ROFL, LMBO!!!!!!!! That was just halarious Brian!

Steve Munday said...

LOL!

"A hoof? I can get you a hoof by three o'clock this afternoon, with a horseshoe!"

Well done Brian!

Brian Zipse said...

Hilarious??? This was a serious interview!

Just not on Shabbos, Steve.

ja.raymond said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ja.raymond said...

Sorry I had to delete my comment the first time cuz my name got in the middle of it..
My original comment(so everyone else will know what I said):
"A great one, Brian.
BTW, did he ask you for any treats? Ya know, those big runners are always so spoiled, I'd be surprised if he didnt ask!"

ja.raymond said...

LOL Typical "A-Lister"..always lookin for a drink!! ;)

Brian Zipse said...

Oddly enough no, Jane. He did ask me to mix a White Russian, though.

C T coleman said...

as a practicing dudist monk this is by far the greatest post ever that atlantic city dude abides

Brian Zipse said...

I was just trying to tie the blog together.

Susan said...

Like, totally AWESOME, DUDE!

Great piece on my Belmont choice!

LDP said...

Well, you may have been serious, lol. The Dude seemed to want to be a bit comical in parts.